Goodbye 2010,

Tonight's the night I will forget the bad times, and will solely focus on the better times that I know will come to me. Because I deserve to. There will be laughters, and even though I know there will be cries too, I'll keep in mind that I've put up with enough shit to now finally deserve some long-time happiness. I'm gonna smile like nothing's ever hurt me, and I'll shine like I've never done before. Tonight's the night everything will change. I'll make sure it will.

©Claudia, dec. 31, 2010

Have a happy New Year. Stay true to yourself. And make this year everything you want it to be. Because as long as you believe, everything's possible.
 

With love,

            Claudia.

Through it all, just stand up!

Can you believe the year's almost over? I don't. For me, this year seemed to pass by faster than normally. I guess that's because so much has happened during this year. I've had ups, and of course I had downs. I also realised that I've changed hugely. At the beginning of 2010, I couldn't stand up for myself. I always cared for others more than I did for myself. But halfway 2010, something within me changed, and I stood up for myself like never before. I learned that, if something's hurting you, you should put yourself first and let it go. Not stick with it because you're afraid to hurt others. Or because you're afraid for their reaction. I realised that I needed to change things to become happy. And even though letting go hurt me a lot, even though I knew it would take ages for me to get over it.. It made me realise that in the end, I'd come out stronger. And I did. From that moment, I truly stood up for myself. I stood up for my opinion, and stopped caring for what others think of me. And trust me, that was a real tough mountain for me to come across. Too long I've been afraid to hurt others with what I thought. Too long I've hurt myself by sticking with what crushed me. Too long I gave in to others, without thinking about myself. And now the time has come, to stand up for myself, and think of me instead. I'm the one who has to live my life, not anyone else. And as long as I am happy with my life the way I live it, nothing else matters.

With that thought, I wanna end this year, and get into the new one. Hoping that things will only get better.

With love,

            Claudia.

I'm so much better without you.

Singlet: H&M

Vest: H&M

Loose pants: Vero Moda

Shoes: Shoe Outlet

Rockin' around the Christmas tree.

Just some photos I took for my Photography assignment. (:

I wanna be a part of something I don't know.

Shirt: Primark

Vest: H&M

Jeans: H&M

Shoes: ?

Jump into the Unknown.

Heartache: Everyone goes through it at some point at their lifes. Not only can it take away all of our confidence, it tires us till our bones. It makes us do the stupidest things so that we can feel better. It tears us up and breaks us down.

Whether it's your boy- or girlfriend breaking up with you, or losing a close friend.. Heartaches SUCK. At least, they do at first. After a while, you might realise that what happened, is for the better. I mean, let's face it.. What's the point in staying with your boy- or girlfriend if you're constantly arguing? If your feelings have changed? What's the point in acting as if a friendship is perfect, when in fact.. You and your friend always disagree? When you and your friend just can't get along? Or whatever else you can think of.. Why cause yourself more hurt, by sticking with what's hurting you?

One of the main reasons why people tend to stick to what's hurting them most, is fear of the unknown. Deep down inside, they know it's for the better. But they don't wanna give up on something so well-known, something they can hold on to. They don't wanna jump into a new situation where everything is strange. Different. They'd rather stick with what they dó know, but makes them unhappy, than they want to take the risk of jumping into what they don't know, perhaps finding something that makes them happier than before. It's fear of stepping out of their (unhappy) comfort zone, what keeps them from becoming everything they want to be.

What's frightning is that, when you jump into the unknown to make a new start.. You leave behind what you have held on to so badly. And leaving behind something you once loved, is never easy. It's even so hard it causes your heart a lot of damage. Sometimes more damage than you could ever imagine.

Everyone deals with situations like this differently. Personally, I am the kind of girl that has always had a rough time leaving the past behind. Especially people, or situations I once loved. In my case, it takes ages to pick myself up, and move on. When something like this happens to me, I experience heartache as one of the most painful feelings in the world. To me, it feels like my whole body is ripped apart, every piece thrown in a corner, all mixed up. When something that's happened really gets to me, I lose myself. I lose my confidence. My engergy. I lose who I am as a person. And it takes a while, but on my way back up, I learn things about myself I wouldn't have learned if I stayed in my comfort zone.

Being heartbroken, and getting over what broke you down, shows that you're strong enough to leave something that hurt you behind, and start over.

I know that in the beginning, it seems like heartaches hurt so much more than staying in your comfort zone would ever do. But trust me, in the end, you'll be greatful for the decision you've made. And though it might seem like the wrong decision at first.. As long as you keep in mind whý you had to step out of your comfort zone, you'll soon come to realise that perhaps, you didn't make the wrong decision at all.

Getting over a heartache is progress; You have to do it step by step. Don't be too hard on yourself, 'cause there's no point in being mad at yourself for having second thoughts at first. There's no point in being mad for missing it, maybe even wanting it back. That's only natural. Healing takes time. And a lot of patience.

You have to go through it all to come out as a stronger, better person in the end. Trust me, you're gonna have relapses, wishing for everything to be like it was before. You're gonna have days when you just wanna sit at home, and cry. But you're gonna have to pull yourself through.
And you'll notice, day by day, it'll get better. Slowly, you'll get back to the person you were. Only better. You'll come back stronger.

Try to look at heartaches as an experience, not something bad.

 As I said before: I believe that everything happens for a reason. So there must be a reason why you have to go through this heartache. Whether it's to become a stronger person, or to meet people that can make you happier than the people in your past would ever be able to. There's a reason why people from your past don't make it to your future.

And remember; With every door you close, opens another door. The decisions you make in your life, make you who you are. It's up to you whether you're gonna stay in the bad situation you're in, and continue to feel unhappy.. Or take the risk to jump into the unknown, perhaps finding something better.

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Monday, dec. 13, 2010

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

You're not gonna reach my telephone.

Yesterday, one of my oldest friends (I know her for over 13 years now) turned 18, and of course she threw a party. (: There weren't many people, but that didn't take away the fun. I've had a great time.

Here's photos of the outfit I wore to the party yesterday (:

Cardigan: Vero Moda

Top: Primark

Shorts: New Yorker

Panty: H&M

Shoes: v.Haren

Just a day, just an ordinary day.

Blouse: H&M

Leggings: ?

Shoes: ?

Live faster, love stronger.

A few days ago when I was bored, I decided to customize a simple, white t-shirt. I've wanted to do this for a while already, but I never had the time, and stuff to do it with. Up until now. :-). Personally, I kinda like the way it came out. Of course, it's not the greatest in the world, but I had fun doing this, and hey, you've got to admit.. It could've been worse, right?

The lyrics I used on this t-shirt is from a song by Hey Monday. It's called Hurricane Streets, and it's one of my fave songs by them. It's a really good song, and I thought the lyrics would be good lyrics to customize a t-shirt with.

Anyways, here's the result :D
(Btw, everything's written and drawn by me. I just printed the texts and image, and then re-wrote them on the t-shirt.)

With love,

            Claudia.

T-shirt: H&M

Just have a little patience.

And since we've no place to go, let it snow.

Yeah, it's that time of year again. Dark, and short days. Cold weather. Christmas and New Year's Eve coming up. And not to forget, a world covered in snow. To be really honest with you, I'm not thát fond of snow. I admit; It looks beautiful. And I love sitting inside, watching the snowflakes falling down whilst sipping from a cup of hot chocolate. Let me put it this way; I like snow, but only in its most harmless form. I think it gets annoying if you have to go outside to go to school, or something like that. I mean, the roads are all slippery, busses and trains are overcrowded. I'm as clumsy as I can be, so I have to be careful, watch where I walk and try not to slip and fall. And what annoys me most, is that I can't wear high heels. As you know, I lóve high heels, and I walk in them all the time. So, not being able to wear high heels because of the snow, is like going to rehab for me. XD. That's why I really hope there won't be as much snow as last year. Last year, we've had snow for 2-3 months. And trust me, at some point, it gets réálly annoying.

With love,

            Claudia.

Who we are.

Throughout life we meet people that will love us,

hate us,

cherish us,

trust us,

use us,

hurt us,

&break us.

But in every kind of way, we'll need those people.

Because they make us who we are.

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Sunday, nov. 28, 2010

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?





Life is throwing all it has, all at once again.

"Life is throwing all it has, all at once again. Just trying hard to hide the pain away. Hoping for the very best, to show up in the end. Before the thread I'm hanging from decides to break.."

One of my favourite songs at the moment is "Break" by Jason Walker. As you probably already know, I love songs that I can relate to. And this is yet another song that I can relate to. My life at the moment isn't what you can call "amazing". &I know I shouldn't complain. Trust me, I'm really greatful for the life that I have. But there's just lots of stuff going on and sometimes I honestly feel like I'm hanging by a thread. And although I'm a real fighter, and I try my hardest not to let things get me down, it's still quite hard. Frustrating mostly.

Anyways, I won't get into that too deep. It's not that interesting as it sounds, really.

Enjoy this song. (:

With love,

            Claudia.

Break, by Jason Walker

It goes on, and on, and on.

Scarf: V&D

Blouse: H&M

Shirt: H&M

Jeans: Vero Moda

Shoes: Shoe Outlet

Imperfect Universe

It's so easy to say that other people are happy. But really, look further than smiles only. Don't you think that deep down inside, everyone's unhappy in some kind of way? There's always something bothering, though they won't show it.
Smiling is just their pretend. It's their way to make themselves believe that they're happy, even when they're not. It's their way, to not show the world the pain they're feeling. It's a natural way of acting, everyone does it.

Trust me, nine out of ten times, when you ask someone how they're doing and they say "Fine", or "Good".. They aren't "Fine", or "Good" at all. There's always something going on. Even though it's the littlest thing you can imagine.

A person that's completely satisfied with everything 'bout themselves,  everything around them, and everything in the world.. Just doesn't exist.

After all, we're all imperfect human-beings, living in an imperfect world, existing in an imperfect universe.

With love,

            Claudia. 

Written by Claudia.
Thursday, nov. 18, 2010

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

Still, like air, I'll rise.

Yeeah, I know my outfit's are really simple lately. The past few weeks I just felt more like wearing basic outfits. Not too much accessoires. Just simple. &Simple can be pretty too, right?
Along with that comes a lack of inspiration+in need of new clothes. Not that I don't have any clothes.. (A), but I'm just a bit bored with what I have now, and what's wrong with wanting to have new clothes? I'm a girl, remember? ^^

Cardigan: Vero Moda

Shirt: H&M

Jeans: Only
Shoes: Shoe Outlet

Belt: v.Haren

«3. lovee

Trust your heart if the seas catch fire.

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire.

Live by love, though the stars walk backwards."

-E.E. Cummings.

Cardigan: H&M

Shirt: H&M

Jeans: Vero Moda

Shoes: Primark

Poppin' bottles in the icee.

Last weekend I had this amazing b-day party of one of my friends'! She turned 18 about two months ago, and last weekend she finally celebrated it with another friend of hers. I've had an amazing time!  After the party (Which was around 3am), me and some other people spent the night at my friends' house, so by the time we finally got to sleep it was 4 in the morning. And of course, on top of that, I could barely fall asleep. XD. So I ended up sleeping for about 3, maybe 4 hours, which meant I was exhausted when I got home the next day!

Anyways, here are some pics of my outfit!

With love,

            Claudia.

Dress: Jane Norman

Shoes: v.Haren

New layout!

Hey there!

I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately! I've been super busy, and  I barely have time, or inspiration to work on this blog. I mean, school's driving me insane, and my days are like, réálly long so when I finally get back home, I usually don't feel like updating my blog. But I díd have time to make a new layout. :)

I'll try to update some more soon, but I can't promise anything yet.
Please understand!

With love,

            Claudia.

I'm real; Get used to it.

When something's through, it takes ages for me to get over it. And when I'm finally over it, it still lingers in my mind more often than I'd want it to. I get blinded by fake friendships all the time. I easily get my hopes up, just to watch them fall again. I'm easy in believing lies. I'm afraid of ending up alone. You can easily destroy my trust. And even though someone's done something to hurt me, in the end I'll always give them more chances than they deserve. I give out my heart to people, more often than people give out theirs to me. I care too much. I'm sensitive. Vulnerable, yet strong enough to handle the messes I create. Because yes, I do create a mess every now and then.

I guess I'm just human. I make mistakes. I fall. I get up. I keep on going, and learn from my experiences. And there might be lots of things about me that aren't perfect, but at least I'm real. I have real feelings.

And for that, I will never, ever apologize.

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Saturday, oct.30 2010

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

Cold days.

"I've had you by my side during the coldest days of winter, yet we didn't realise there were even colder days to come. Days so cold even our embraces couldn't save us anymore. Days so cold, that it froze us, so deep that I now have to go through these next cold winter days without you by my side."

Just something that randomly popped into my mind about a few days ago. (A)
Turned out a little bit more dramatic than how I actually felt, but it's one's 1 of my personal faves anyways. (:

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Wednesday, oct. 27 2010

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

I think I'll try defying gravity.

"Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I lost. Well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost. It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity. And you won't bring me down."

I loveee Glee! One of my favorite Glee-covers is Defying Gravity. The song and its lyrics are amazing, and I think Lea Michele and Chris Colfer did a great job covering this song.
Another reason why I love this song is because I can relate to the lyrics. Like I said before, to me, a song is truly beautiful when the lyrics find a way to get to me. And the lyrics of this song, in combination with the performance, truly make that happen. (:

With love,

            Claudia.

(Defying Gravity, Glee-version)

Wrap it up in style.

Long shirt: Vero Moda.

Leggings: H&M.

Scarf: Primark.

(Shoes: v.Haren.)

Back to basic.

I was searching through my photos, and then I came across a file with pictures that me and my sister made about two years ago. And I don't know why, but I felt like uploading this one. Mostly, because I love the memory I have with this photo. Whenever I see this photo, it reminds me of the fun me&my sister had at that moment (Like we always do when we're making photos), and it makes me realise how different my life was back then. The things I worried about then, now seem so little, so unimportant. In two years, my life has changed hugely, and this photo somehow takes me back in time. Back to the innocence. Back to basic. And I love that feeling. I love looking back, seeing how my life changed in lots of ways. Back then I thought I had it all figured out, like I knew what life had planned for me. I was so naive. So young. So.. unexperienced in life itself. I laugh at it now. Knowing that back then, everything that happened seemed like the biggest deal in the world. And now I look back at it, laughing and now realising that I had seen nothing yet. It's funny looking back at myself, seeing how much I've grown up since then. Knowing that I'm still growing up. And knowing that in a few years, I will look back at myself again, realising that by then, I've grown up even more.

With love,

            Claudia.

Harmony

Ain't it one of the most powerful feelings in the world, to know that your heart and concience are in harmony? It's like, for a moment, everthing falls into place. As if facing the world has never been a problem.

It's great realising that what you've done, ends up to be the right decision. Even though sometimes, it might've felt wrong instead.

People always told me to listen to my heart. But I now know that listening to your heart, isn't always the right thing to do. Sometimes, listening to your heart will cause you even more hurt, than listening to your concience will ever do.
I've experienced it myself. And I've learned that, the things or people you want the most in your heart, are sometimes the things or people you're best without. It sounds cruel, but in my experience, it's the truth.
It took a while for me to figure it out, but in the end I realised that sometimes, letting go of what you want in your heart, ain't that bad. In some cases, it could even be for the better.

I know how hard it is to just put aside your feelings, so you can do what other people think whats 'best for you'. I know that when your heart's just been broken, that's the last thing you want to hear. But in the end, you'll see that they're right. There's a reason why things end the way they do. And whatever that reason might be, you'll see that in time, you'll be happy it ended. Yes, it's hard to pick yourself up when you heart's broken, but the stupidest thing you could do is to go back to what hurt you so bad, hoping it will all work out by itself.
It happened to me. I gave second, third, even fourth chances to things that just weren't meant to be. And though it felt good in my heart, I always ended up being hurt a little bit more. Though it felt like the right thing to do at that moment, I realised that it was only temporary. 'Cause when things aren't meant to be, they just aren't meant to be. And there's nothing you can change about that.

It takes a while to understand, but sometimes, listening to your concience, instead of your heart, isn't even that bad. I know that many times, it feels that way. But trust me, it really isn't. It just takes patience, because most of the time, the decisions you make with your concience, aren't in harmony with what you want in your heart.
But that doesn't mean it's not better. You just gotta find a way to stand tall, and realise that sometimes, your heart's just plain wrong. It takes a lot of faith, courage, and patience. But in the end, you'll realise that you've made the right decision. You'll start seeing things you didn't see before. Things you probably wouldn't have seen if you just gave in to your feelings.

And you'll notice that, one day, everything will make perfect sense. You'll see why things ended the way they did. And you'll understand that you made the right decision.
That's when your heart and concience are binding. It's when you realise that what you did with your concience, is in harmony with what you want in your heart.
And tell me, ain't that one of the most powerful feelings in the world?

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Saturday, oct. 16 2010

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

You can't stop my shine.

Yesterday, I FINALLY dyed my hair brown. I've been wanting to dye it brown for ages already, but I just didn't have the courage. Up until now. =D  It's a huge difference, but I really like it. Although, I still have to look at myself twice whenever I walk past a mirror or window, because I'm not used to it yet. Haha. Anyways, here's a before/after pic. ;) Feel free to comment!

With love,

            Claudia.

(Yeah, I know I look younger than 17, no need to mention it.)

I gotta be who I am underneath.

Just another outfit of mine. Wore it yesterday (:

Shirt: Vero Moda

Vest: ?

Skirt: H&M

Leggings: ?

Shoes: Shoe Outlet.

"Love" necklace: Primark

Heartshaped necklace: Primark

Failure is never a reason to stop trying.

It's fear of failing that keeps us from changing ourselves when needed. The moment you decide to turn it all around, and change your attitude no matter what it's gonna take, is the moment you conquer that fear, and will be able to succeed. It doesn't matter if you fail once, twice, or even thrice. Failure is never wrong. What matters most is that you've tried. And if you fall, you just gotta pick yourself up and try again. Just as long as it's gonna take to succeed. And you'll see, in the end, every failure you make, brings you one step closer to succeeding. Every failure allows you to look at yourself, and realise what you gotta change to prevent it from happening again. Every failure is an oppertunity for you to do it better next time. All you gotta do is have faith, pull yourself through and trust in yourself. You can change yourself when needed, you just gotta accept the fact that you might fail a few times. But in the end, it's always better to have tried and failed a few times, and learn from your experiences. Than to have not tried, and therefore have not achieved, neither experienced anything at all.

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Friday, oct. 8, 2010.

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

I'm letting go, using the strength within me.

One of my favourite composers is Isaac Shepard. To be honest, I've never really listened to piano music. Until a few weeks ago, when I was searching for instrumental songs that I could use in my videos. I randomly stumbled upon Isaac Shepard, and I fell in love with his music the moment I heard it. One of my faves is "Letting go", because it reminds me of things that happened in my life, and somehow it encourages me to find the strength to let go of the past, and move on with my life. It's a calm, yet touching song. It makes me think about things in life, makes me look different at stuff.

Anyways, enjoy this piece of brilliant music (:

With love,

            Claudia.

Letting go, by Isaac Shepard.

You can't hold me down.

Hey there!
Sorry for my lack of posting! I haven't really been in the mood to work on my blog the past few days. Please forgive me (:
Anyways, here's some pics of the outfit I wore today. (A)
I know, boring post.. But it's better than nothing, right? Posts will get more interesting soon. I promise! ^^

Blazer: Primark

Shirt: Vero Moda

Jeans: H&M

Heels: v.Haren.

-

Here she comes, coming around again.

Cardigan: Vero Moda.

Shirt: M&S Mode.

Short: H&M.

Leggings: ?

Minnetonkas: Primark.

Three months, and I'm still sober.

"And I don't know, I could crash and burn but maybe.. At the end of this road, I might catch a glimpse of me. So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right. No comparing, second guessing. No, not this time. Three months and I'm still breathing. Been a long road since those hands, I left my tears in, but I know it's never really over. Three months, and I'm still sober. Picked all my weeds, but kept the flowers."

I love songs that can describe exactly how you feel, or describe what's going on in your life. That's what I think music is all about. When a song has lyrics that can touch you through the pit of your soul, that's when I think music is 'real'. To me, music has some kind of way to speak for me when I can't find the words. It makes me see things differently. It leads me on and allows me to escape from reality when I feel like it.

I can so relate to this song. This song fits my life right now so well. Line by line. The lyrics are amazing. Touching. Beautiful, with a sharp, painful edge carved around it. I can't help but love this amazing Kelly Clarkson song (:

With love,

            Claudia.

Sober by Kelly Clarkson.

The first step is always the hardest.

Hey there!

Let's begin with introducing myself. Yes, I know it's a lot of boring stuff but hey, don't you wanna know who's behind this blog? 

Anyways, my name's Claudia, I'm 17 years old &I live in the Netherlands. (For those of you who don't know; It's a small, cold, rainy country in Europe.)

I'm a laid back girl that doesn't mind being alone sometimes. I'm just the kind of girl that sometimes needs some alone-time to get her mind straight, to think things through or to just.. you know, power up. I always try to see the best in people, and I accept and respect everyone for who they are. I hate being judged for something that I'm not, and I hate prejudices. I'm not really outspoken, but I'll stand up for myself when needed. I'm a good listener, and as my friends tell me, a good advisor. I have a realistic point of view, and I'm determined. I know what I want, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it. I know who I am, and where I stand and I've learned to accept myself for the person that I am. Which means, I accepted the fact that I'm imperfect, and I like being imperfect.

My passions are writing, music, fashion and mediadesign.
I am now doing an education Mediadesign, so that hopefully I can become either a layout designer or film maker in the future. I love making videos or graphic stuff, so why not try to make my job out of it?
I love music and everything about it. My fave bands are The Pretty Reckless and Hey Monday, and my fave solo artists are Ashley Tisdale, Jesse McCartney, LIGHTS and Lesley Roy. My favourite composers are Isaac Shepard and Philip Wesley. Their music is seriously amazing! <3 I play the piano/keyboard a bit, and I love to sing. I joined this popchoir about a year ago, and I try to perform as much as possible, which is really fun to do (: Apart from singing, I do ballroom dancing, which I fell in love with the moment I had my first lesson.
I also love writing. It's my way to express myself and release my thoughts and feelings. When I feel bad or anything, the first thing I do is grab for my pen and paper and write it off. It just makes me see things from a different point of view and I love how I can put my feelings out of my head, down to the paper.

The main reason why I started this blog is because I'd like to combine my writing skills with mediadesign, by starting something that I hope I can be active with. On this blog I will post stuff that I wrote, updates on my life, some fashion, some music.. Just things that interest me, and things I want to share with others.

Alright, I think that's enough for now.
If there's anything else you want to know, then please leave a comment :)

I hope you'll enjoy my blog, and don't forget to follow! ;)

With love,

            Claudia.