juni 16, 2011

You've got a way of easing me out of myself.

Sorry for my lack of posting! I've been extremely busy the past few weeks!

Just a simple H&M outfit today (:

Singlet: H&M
Shorts: H&M
Shoes: Primark

mei 18, 2011

Damaged.

Sometimes, it's so frustrating being me.
To deal with my scars every single day.
I hate looking at myself, realising how closed off I am.

At first, I thought I was pretty open when it came to talking about what happened in my life.
But then, I realised I was just open about what happened, and not about how I felt.
I realised, that everytime emotions and feelings came across in those conversations, I started to close myself off. Afraid of showing how I felt. Afraid of what could happen if I showed how vulnerable I was.

Over the years, I've developed a fear of opening up.
As long as I don't have to share my feelings, I'm fine. I'll even talk about stuff as if I don't care about what happened. As if it didn't hurt at all. As if what happened, is normal. Like it was no big deal.
But once my feelings get involved, I'll freeze. I'll have one of the thickest walls to break through. One of the hardest walls to tear down.
And the reason why?
To protect myself.

In the past, people have hurt me so bad, that I am now afraid to let others in. And though I know I shouldn't block new people out because of what others did to me in the past.. I can't help it. I can't help that I'll block new people out.
It's because I've lost trust in people. Trust that they won't break me.
Over the years, I've became so insecure. That I'm afraid to give others the chance to show themselves.

And though I would really want to, letting people in is one of the hardest things for me to do. Because to me, letting people in, is like giving them permission to break you, but trusting them not to. And that's a kind of trust that's been damaged by people I've let in before.

It's something that's hard to understand for those who've never experienced this fear. And that's what makes it hard. People can't bring up the understanding to be gentle to the people who face this fear everyday of their lifes. They will never truly understand how worthless you can feel after someone breaks your trust once again. They will never truly understand how much effort it costs you to open up.
Therefore, they won't have the patience to wait for you to trust again.
And they will give up on you, leaving you with another scar on your once again damaged trust..


Written by Claudia.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011.

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

april 24, 2011

I'm barely legal and I can't believe.

Friday, April 22, was my birthday =D. I turned 18.
That means that, I'm finally legal. I get right to vote for politics, drive a car.. 
And, according to the law, I'm an adult now.

One of the best gifts I've got, is my driving lessons. For my birthday, I had an intake at the driving school. My instructor picked me up at 13:30 pm, and we drove around a bit, so he could give me an advice on how many lessons he thinks I should take, before I'm able to do the exam, and get my drivers' license.

Later on, we've went out for dinner in a Greek restaurant.
Ever since I've been to Crete, I love Greek food. So it was definitely a fun surprise that my parents took me to a Greek restaurant. I had asked to go there before, and even for my birthday, but my parents told me it would get too expensive in combination with my driving lessons. (Because believe me, driving lessons aren't cheap!)
Thankfully, they got a coupon for a discount, so they decided to take me there after all.

Even though I didn't feel like I just turned 18,
I've had a great birthday.
Now on to my drivers' license, and the 19!
(Not so sure if I'm happy with that though, haha.)

april 21, 2011

I found wings, now I can fly.

Just a really simple outfit today :)
Dress: Primark
Legging: Jane Norman
Shoes: Dolcis

april 19, 2011

You're in everyone I see

Singlet: H&M
Striped top: Jane Norman
Jeans: Vero Moda
Shoes: Primark
Bag: Primark

april 12, 2011

april 08, 2011

'Cause this ride's never gonna stop.

Cardigan: Primark
Black singlet: H&M
Purple top: New Yorker
Skirt: H&M
Necklace: New Yorker
Shoes: Shoe Outlet

maart 30, 2011

Not hoping, means not believing.

"Sometimes you have your head telling you to stop, before it's too late.
But you just keep going."

This is one of my personal favourite quotes. I wrote this one about a year ago. This is one of those quotes that tells exactly what it feels like to fall in love. You're trying to control those feelings for as long as you don't know whether your crush likes you back or not, but you just can't stop feeling the way you do, no matter how hard you try. In your head, you know it's better to let go, and forget about him. Especially when you notice your crush doesn't have as much interest in you, as you have in them. And yet, there's this hope inside of you that keeps you going. Hope, that maybe someday, he'll come to his senses, and realises you are his type of girl after all.

I'm in this exact situation right now. I've fallen for a guy I've met a few weeks ago. And though he doesn't really give out signals that he likes me as much as I like him, I know for sure that I've caught his eye, and therefore his interest. And because of that, I still have hope that maybe someday he'll see the light, and wants me to be in his life, the way I want him to be in mine. Yes, I've heard him talk about girls, and dates, and it did hurt me when I heard that. But I've never heard him say he has a girlfriend. So who says he isn't just single? Who says I don't stand a chance at all? Who says he didn't notice me the way I've noticed him? Maybe he does see something in me, but he just doesn't show it yet. Maybe it's just too soon.

Or maybe, he just doesn't have the interest after all.

These questions bring along a lot of insecurities, but as long as I haven't heard an exact "I have a girlfriend" yet, I believe that I might even stand a chance with him. I have the faith, the hope, that I might be his type of girl.

Of course I wanna know where I stand, but I also know that, if he turns out to already have someone after all, it'd make everything so definite. It'd be a fact that I wouldn't stand a chance. And as long as there isn't an exact answer yet, there's hope.

And sometimes, all you need to keep you going, is hope.
Because to me, not hoping..
Means not believing.
And not believing, is like suicide.
Because if you don't believe, you don't have anything to live for.
To look forward to.
To make goals after.

Because if you don't believe..
You'll never have the power to make the impossible, possible.


Written by Claudia.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

maart 19, 2011

And I want you in my life.

"I can't have you, no. Like you have me. I can't steal you, no. Like you stole me. And i want you in my life, and I need you in my life."
There's so many songs I can relate to lately. One of the songs that really gets to me everytime I hear it, (And I have to admit, that's quite a lot the past few days) is "You" by my all-time favourite band The Pretty Reckless. The way Taylor Momsen sings this song, is so pure, and emotional. The lyrics is simple, yet so incredibly beautiful.

As the lyrics describe, this song's about loving someone you can't have. It's about having a crush on someone, knowing they don't feel the same way. And when that happens, you are vulnerable. You're very breakable, yet so overwhelmed by the feeling. And even though you know that you don't stand a chance with the one you like, you can't stop it. You love being around them too much. You love thinking about them, and talking to them. So you'll just continue to be vulnerable, yet floating on cloud nine, listening to love songs over and over again, imagining you and him together, still knowing inside your heart that it'll never work out.

I think that's kind of what this song is about. And since I'm in quite that situation, I can really relate to it, and feel the lyrics as they are. Just listen for yourself, and enjoy (:

With love,
            Claudia.

You, by the Pretty Reckless.

maart 18, 2011

I will not be your victim.

"Don't worry, I don't want you to get into our problems. You don't have to choose sides."

That's what two of my friends told me when they got in a fight. Both of them told me they wouldn't force me into making a choice who I wanted to hang out with. And it's something so easily said, yet so difficult to keep that 'promise'. I'm sure both of them really didn't want to drag me into their problems. But yet, here I am, wrapped up in their issues, feeling as if I have to choose between them.

And at this point, I'm so through with it. I don't wanna choose between two of my friends. I don't wanna be in the middle of their fights. I just want everything to get back to the way things used to be, and not have these decisions to make. Because that's what's going to happen next; They'll continue to fight, ignoring each other, not thinking about the one that's in the middle of it; Me. Now, I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but I didn't ask for these problems, so I shouldn't be a part of it. If they wanna fight, then that's fine with me. Fight all you want. But don't drag me into it. I've had enough issues with friendships before, and I don't want to experience that all over again.

I'm sure everyone has been in the middle of a fight similair to the one my two friends are in now. Something happens, one acts strange towards the other because of it. And then all of a sudden, they don't speak, nor look at each other anymore. Or anything like that.

It all comes down to one thing; When it starts, they'll come up to you saying that they "don't want to involve you." and that you "shouldn't feel like you have to pick sides." And next thing you know, you walk into the cafeteria and you see one of your friends on your left, and the other one is on your right. Each at a different table. And then what? They see you enter the cafeteria, look at you, and practically force you to choose one side or the other. And you don't know what to do anymore. You don't wanna sit with the one on the left, because you don't wanna disappoint the one on the right. And vice-versa.

And where do you go? You have no clue.

One of the other things that happens alot, is when they're near each other, (and the only times they're near each other is when you try to keep them together) the conversation gets uncomfortable. It becomes an awkward situation in where one talks to you all the time, and the other keeps their mouth shut. The minute one of them walks away, the other starts talking about them.

And it's so frustrating. It makes you wanna knock their heads against each other, and scream at them, telling they should stop acting like complete morons, grow up and work things out.

But well, let's be honest.. On the other hand we don't want to lose our friends either. So we keep our mouths shut, and watch them drifting apart, and try to stay friends with both of them.

And trust me, at some point, that's gonna break you. I'm at that one particular breaking point right now. I'm at a point, where I've had enough of their death stares, and their silent agreement to keep quiet, and not say a word to each other. I've had enough of hearing them complain about the other when that one person isn't around. I'm done with being pushed back and forth between them, not knowing which way to turn. I'm done with listening to their promises of "You don't have to choose", when obviously, they're forcing me.

If I'm honest, I'm at the point where I want to turn my back on both of them, and say "Either you work things out, or I won't speak to you ever again." I'm just not the type of person to say that, unless it gets me really, really upset. And it is. It's sad to see two of your close friends get in a fight, and see how it tears the entire friendship apart. And even though I would want to stay friends with both of them, I'm not sure if I'm doing myself right by staying in the middle of this. They didn't want to make this my problem, but somehow it happened, and now it's my turn to speak up, and let them hear my opinion. And if they don't want to hear my opinion, they should've kept their promises, and leave me out of it.

After all, I'm not some bouncing ball you can keep pulling back and forth, expecting to follow the ones that are throwing it around. I am my own person, I make my own decisions and despite the fact that they are my friends, I'm going to speak up for myself, and end this right now.

I will not be the victim anymore.


Written by Claudia.
Friday, March 18, 2011
©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

maart 16, 2011

maart 10, 2011

Let's fly.

Shirt: Primark
Singlet: H&M
Cardigan: Vero Moda
Jeans: Bershka
Belt: Primark
Shoes: Shoe Outlet

maart 09, 2011

Like a love heart, carved on a tree.

Shirt: H&M
Denim Blouse: H&M
Jeans: Only/Vero Moda
Shoes: Primark

You'll always be the white shadow of my heart. «3

Yesterday was a very sad day for everyone in our family. Our beloved dog, Roxy, passed away after almost 9 years of living with us. It was very unexpected, and I still don't completely realise it.
The day before yesterday we went to see a doctor, because things weren't alright. They had a suspection of what he could have, but they had to take a blood sample and we would get the results on Wednesday. Unfortunately, the disease took over control faster than expected..

People who have ever lost their dog or cat, know how this feels. That empty feeling, knowing your little mate won't be there to come say hello when you get home. The daily rounds out. Feeding them everyday. Crawling up next to them on the couch. It's like losing a part of your life. Your daily routine. And it gets quiet.

Real quiet.

I remember I used to fight with my sister all the time, because we both didn't want to go out with Roxy whenever our mom asked us to. It's weird, but now.. I'd do anything to be able to go outside with him again. I miss having him around. And I know that in time, I'll find a way to cope, and accept that he is no longer with us. It's still hard, but I know he's in a better place now. Rest in peace. <33

Picture was made in 2007.
Roxy, RIP. 18/5/2002-8/3/2011. 

maart 07, 2011

This is real life, not a fairytale.

Love sucks. That’s what most people say when they’re disappointed in love. Whether it’s finding out the guy you like is already happy with someone else, or when you realize your boyfriend doesn’t like you as much anymore.. Or whatever other reason you can think of. In those cases, love DOES suck.
I’m usually not the type to fall for someone too hard too fast. To be honest, it never really happened to me that when I first met someone, I instantly thought “Daaamn, I like you!”. Until a few weeks ago. I remember entering the room, seeing him, and BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I just knew he was my type of guy.
 And yes, once we had met, I was sure; He was definitely the type of guy I could fall for in the future.
“Just not yet.” I thought, making a promise to myself that I wouldn’t fall too hard too fast, because of a few simple reasons. I didn’t know the guy, maybe I was completely wrong and he would turn out to be the opposite of what I thought. I didn’t even know if he were single. And one of the most important reasons for me not too fall too hard, was because I didn’t want to end up disappointed and broken if he turned out to have a girlfriend after all.
And yet, I noticed myself laughing at everything he said. And, like most people who are ‘in love’, I was trying to pick up signals that proved to me that he felt the same. As far as you could feel something for someone you just met. And I saw those signals, or so I thought. Little did I know I was only fooling myself, thinking that for once, I might’ve gotten it right. Stupid me.
Because of course, someone already had his heart. And I was so stupid to think that I stood a chance. I was so stupid to think that for once, a guy like him was still single and would actually fall for a girl like me. Things like that only happen in fairytales. And clearly, I don’t live in one.
It’s like, everytime I think I’ve found something that’ll turn my life around.. Something happens, and it ends up all the same as before. It’s like, for a few weeks, I’ve been floating on a cloud, and now someone decided to push me off and I fell back in reality. And in reality, I’m the kind of girl most guys pass by. The kind of girl who gets up too high once a cute guy gives her attention. The kind of girl who has kind of given up on love, because it has passed her by so many times before. So many times, that she doesn’t have the faith to believe that one day, she’ll bump into the guy of her dreams.
And that’s why, I can completely agree with everyone who says that love sucks.
‘Cause yeah, it DOES suck. Especially when you can’t seem to find it..


Written by Claudia.
Monday, march 7, 2011
 
©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?
 
 

februari 14, 2011

Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.

Sorry for the bad quality of the photos! The batteries of my sisters' camera were empty, so I had to use my webcam to make somewhat decent-looking pics.

Dress: New Yorker
Blazer: Primark
Jeans: H&M
Shoes: Primark

februari 13, 2011

No inspirations

Hey there!

I'm sorry for my lack of posting lately!
I've been really, REALLY busy with school, work and lots of other stuff. And once again, I have no inspiration. My life at the moment is pretty boring, nothing really happens. I've been wanting to upload some outfit-pics, but I constantly forgot to make pics, and decided not to update because it wasn't much new anyways.

So basically, I have no wisdoms to share with you. No outfits, because my inspiration is gone and I don't want to upload the same things over and over again. And school's driving me insane lately, I make long days and when I get home, I usually don't feel like updating my blog.

But I will try to make it up to you soon (:
Hopefully, I will be able to find some time to update and make up for my lack of posting the past month.

Hope you guys can understand. (:


With Love,
                Claudia.

januari 24, 2011

Fear

That I fly with my own wings, doesn't mean I don't need anyone.
No one can survive on their own. People always need someone else, to make them believe in themselves whenever they feel bad.

As for me, I'm one of those persons who needs a lot of confirmations. To know that I'm worth doing what I'm good at. To know that I'm worth being around with. To know that I'm worth it. Deep down inside, I know these things. But convincing myself isn't always easy.

I'm usually not the insecure type. I accepted who I am. And I am happy with the person that I've become. I'm ok with the way I look, and I know what I'm capable of. I won't change for anybody, and everyone who dislikes me can screw themselves.

You may wonder "Then why does she need a confirmation?". Well, truth is.. I'm easy in believing that I'm not worth something, no matter how confident I am about myself. I can feel so intensely satisfied with my person-being, and still wonder "Why am I feeling worthless?"

Throughout the years, I've developed a so-called "seperation anxiety". That means being afraid of being let go. Afraid of losing the people that you love. Afraid of not being good enough for them. Afraid of being so disappointing, that they decide to turn their back on you, and leave you on your own.

I guess it's things in my past, that made me so insecure about being worth a relationship, or friendship. Too many times people let me down. Too many times people told me I was important to them, but then acted like I meant nothing to them. Nothing but a piece of garbage.

And trust me, that wrecks your confidence. You can be as satisfied as you want about yourself. But when things like this happen, the confidence of being worth being in a relationship, or a friendship, is really hard to find. And sometimes, the only way to convince yourself that you're worth it, is hearing it from the people that love you.

Of course I don't feel this way every single day, but it's a big part of my life. I try not to let my fear take control of me, but sometimes, when my confidence is at its lowest point, that's really hard. Some people may not understand what it's like, always being afraid of not being good enough. They don't realise how big of an impact this can have on your life. How this feeling can lead you on, and control your every thought and movement. They don't realise how hard it is to live in such fear, the way I -and probably many other people- do..


Written by Claudia.
Sunday, jan. 23, 2011


©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

januari 14, 2011

New Haircut!

I've been growing my hair for over 2 years now, and I thought it was time for something new. The idea of changing my hair popped into my head about a week ago. And since I'm one of those persons who'll keep on hesitating if it doesn't happen straight away, I decided to make an appointment at the hairdresser this morning, and just did it. (:
I was scared of getting regrets about cutting off my hair at first, because I'm so used to having long hair. But I don't have regrets at all. I'm so happy with it, and I'm so glad now that I've cut it off.
Sometimes people just need a change to develop themselves. Whether that's a change in attitude,  or a situation. And I knew, that right now, it was time for me to make another change once again. And it's amazing how such a small change in attitude, can make a person feel so much better. I'm reloaded with confidence again, and I feel so calm and satisfied!

Anyways, here's a pic of my new haircut!

With love,
            Claudia.


januari 12, 2011

No one knows if shooting stars will land.

Singlet: H&M
Shirt: H&M
Skirt: H&M
Leggings: New Yorker
Shoes: Shoe Outlet.

I'm sorry, I just happen to love H&M (A)!

januari 11, 2011

Change is not a bad thing.

Tuesday afternoon. You're home early, because you only had one class at school today.
For the first time in your life, you have nothing to worry about. You're calm, and just satisfied with the way things are going.
Things haven't been really bad lately. In fact, they started to get much, and much better.


And then, it hits you. Out of nowhere. Memories of how things used to be.
And even though you're satisfied with your life now.. Even though you accepted that things changed..
You miss it.


Most of the times, it's not even the people that you miss.
It's the times when you didn't know, that you miss.
When you didn't know how people actually were.
When you didn't know how different everything would be.


I've personally felt this way quite some times.
Whether it was a break-up..
Or losing a close friend..


It all comes down to one thing;
When we look back at the past, we feel like times were so much better back then.
Because back then, you hadn't put up with those confrontations yet.
You couldn't imagine the pain it would bring if things ever changed.
And when things eventually do, not only the situation changes. People change, too.


It's like graduating from Elementary school.
For years, you've been surrounded by the same people. And then all of a sudden, everything changes.
Everyone goes their seperate ways, and even though you promised to keep in touch.. You'll never hear from them again.
Situations change. People change.
Everything changes.


And when you first walk through the doors of your new school, you miss it.
Your well-known school. The people. And everything that comes along with it.
But the more you get used to it, the easier it gets. You start to realise that this is the chance to make a new start.
You meet new people. You make new friends.
And even though sometimes, you still miss your old friends from Elementary school, you know it's for the better.


Throughout life, everyone developes themselves.
And in order to do so, you'll need to lose friends. Just so you can find true, reliable friends.
You'll need to get your heart broken. Just so you can appreciate real love when it gets to you.
You'll need bad things to happen. Just so you can be grateful for all the oppertunities that will come to you.


And you know what?
You'll need to accept change, because otherwise, you will never be able to accept life.


With love,
            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Tuesday, jan. 11, 2011


©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

januari 07, 2011

Save your heart, for someone worth dying for.

"She fell to the bottom of her life. This wasn't meant for two. She struggles to find herself in time. But she can barely move. Save your heart, for someone that's worth dying for. Don't give it away. "

Today, when I was bored, I decided to look for some new artists. And I came across the band Mayday Parade. I've known them for a while already, but I never really listened to their songs, and kinda forgot about them. Shame on me. I went through several of their songs, and every single one literally took my breath away. Their lyrics are so good. One of their songs that really got to me, is Save your heart. I think that's because this song really relates to a situation I've been in, not so long ago. A situation I still find myself in sometimes. It's about saving your heart, until you find that person who's worth having your heart. In my life I've had many people breaking my heart. That's why now, I'm really careful with giving out my heart, because I'm really scared to get hurt again. This makes me realise I have to give out my heart, only to those who deserve to. To those who I know for sure, will handle it with care. And as the song describes: Someone worth dying for.

With love,
            Claudia.

Save your heart, by Mayday Parade

januari 05, 2011

So far from never.

Yesterday's outfit:
Dress/Long shirt: Vero Moda
Blouse: Primark
Shoes: ?

Melody

I used to sing along to your music.
But now, I'm tonedeaf.
I can't hear the notes you're playing.

Your once so beautiful sounding melody,
has lost its effect on me.

Your music, has lost its hold on me.

And I don't feel like singing along any longer.

My voice is gone, 
and so is your once so touching melody.

With love,
            Claudia.


Written by Claudia.
Tuesday, jan. 4, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?