I will not be your victim.

"Don't worry, I don't want you to get into our problems. You don't have to choose sides."

That's what two of my friends told me when they got in a fight. Both of them told me they wouldn't force me into making a choice who I wanted to hang out with. And it's something so easily said, yet so difficult to keep that 'promise'. I'm sure both of them really didn't want to drag me into their problems. But yet, here I am, wrapped up in their issues, feeling as if I have to choose between them.

And at this point, I'm so through with it. I don't wanna choose between two of my friends. I don't wanna be in the middle of their fights. I just want everything to get back to the way things used to be, and not have these decisions to make. Because that's what's going to happen next; They'll continue to fight, ignoring each other, not thinking about the one that's in the middle of it; Me. Now, I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but I didn't ask for these problems, so I shouldn't be a part of it. If they wanna fight, then that's fine with me. Fight all you want. But don't drag me into it. I've had enough issues with friendships before, and I don't want to experience that all over again.

I'm sure everyone has been in the middle of a fight similair to the one my two friends are in now. Something happens, one acts strange towards the other because of it. And then all of a sudden, they don't speak, nor look at each other anymore. Or anything like that.

It all comes down to one thing; When it starts, they'll come up to you saying that they "don't want to involve you." and that you "shouldn't feel like you have to pick sides." And next thing you know, you walk into the cafeteria and you see one of your friends on your left, and the other one is on your right. Each at a different table. And then what? They see you enter the cafeteria, look at you, and practically force you to choose one side or the other. And you don't know what to do anymore. You don't wanna sit with the one on the left, because you don't wanna disappoint the one on the right. And vice-versa.

And where do you go? You have no clue.

One of the other things that happens alot, is when they're near each other, (and the only times they're near each other is when you try to keep them together) the conversation gets uncomfortable. It becomes an awkward situation in where one talks to you all the time, and the other keeps their mouth shut. The minute one of them walks away, the other starts talking about them.

And it's so frustrating. It makes you wanna knock their heads against each other, and scream at them, telling they should stop acting like complete morons, grow up and work things out.

But well, let's be honest.. On the other hand we don't want to lose our friends either. So we keep our mouths shut, and watch them drifting apart, and try to stay friends with both of them.

And trust me, at some point, that's gonna break you. I'm at that one particular breaking point right now. I'm at a point, where I've had enough of their death stares, and their silent agreement to keep quiet, and not say a word to each other. I've had enough of hearing them complain about the other when that one person isn't around. I'm done with being pushed back and forth between them, not knowing which way to turn. I'm done with listening to their promises of "You don't have to choose", when obviously, they're forcing me.

If I'm honest, I'm at the point where I want to turn my back on both of them, and say "Either you work things out, or I won't speak to you ever again." I'm just not the type of person to say that, unless it gets me really, really upset. And it is. It's sad to see two of your close friends get in a fight, and see how it tears the entire friendship apart. And even though I would want to stay friends with both of them, I'm not sure if I'm doing myself right by staying in the middle of this. They didn't want to make this my problem, but somehow it happened, and now it's my turn to speak up, and let them hear my opinion. And if they don't want to hear my opinion, they should've kept their promises, and leave me out of it.

After all, I'm not some bouncing ball you can keep pulling back and forth, expecting to follow the ones that are throwing it around. I am my own person, I make my own decisions and despite the fact that they are my friends, I'm going to speak up for myself, and end this right now.

I will not be the victim anymore.

Written by Claudia.
Friday, March 18, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?