Not hoping, means not believing.

"Sometimes you have your head telling you to stop, before it's too late.

But you just keep going."

This is one of my personal favourite quotes. I wrote this one about a year ago. This is one of those quotes that tells exactly what it feels like to fall in love. You're trying to control those feelings for as long as you don't know whether your crush likes you back or not, but you just can't stop feeling the way you do, no matter how hard you try. In your head, you know it's better to let go, and forget about him. Especially when you notice your crush doesn't have as much interest in you, as you have in them. And yet, there's this hope inside of you that keeps you going. Hope, that maybe someday, he'll come to his senses, and realises you are his type of girl after all.

I'm in this exact situation right now. I've fallen for a guy I've met a few weeks ago. And though he doesn't really give out signals that he likes me as much as I like him, I know for sure that I've caught his eye, and therefore his interest. And because of that, I still have hope that maybe someday he'll see the light, and wants me to be in his life, the way I want him to be in mine. Yes, I've heard him talk about girls, and dates, and it did hurt me when I heard that. But I've never heard him say he has a girlfriend. So who says he isn't just single? Who says I don't stand a chance at all? Who says he didn't notice me the way I've noticed him? Maybe he does see something in me, but he just doesn't show it yet. Maybe it's just too soon.

Or maybe, he just doesn't have the interest after all.

These questions bring along a lot of insecurities, but as long as I haven't heard an exact "I have a girlfriend" yet, I believe that I might even stand a chance with him. I have the faith, the hope, that I might be his type of girl.

Of course I wanna know where I stand, but I also know that, if he turns out to already have someone after all, it'd make everything so definite. It'd be a fact that I wouldn't stand a chance. And as long as there isn't an exact answer yet, there's hope.

And sometimes, all you need to keep you going, is hope.
Because to me, not hoping..
Means not believing.
And not believing, is like suicide.
Because if you don't believe, you don't have anything to live for.
To look forward to.
To make goals after.

Because if you don't believe..
You'll never have the power to make the impossible, possible.

Written by Claudia.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

Let the sun shine!

And I want you in my life.

"I can't have you, no. Like you have me. I can't steal you, no. Like you stole me. And i want you in my life, and I need you in my life."

There's so many songs I can relate to lately. One of the songs that really gets to me everytime I hear it, (And I have to admit, that's quite a lot the past few days) is "You" by my all-time favourite band The Pretty Reckless. The way Taylor Momsen sings this song, is so pure, and emotional. The lyrics is simple, yet so incredibly beautiful.

As the lyrics describe, this song's about loving someone you can't have. It's about having a crush on someone, knowing they don't feel the same way. And when that happens, you are vulnerable. You're very breakable, yet so overwhelmed by the feeling. And even though you know that you don't stand a chance with the one you like, you can't stop it. You love being around them too much. You love thinking about them, and talking to them. So you'll just continue to be vulnerable, yet floating on cloud nine, listening to love songs over and over again, imagining you and him together, still knowing inside your heart that it'll never work out.

I think that's kind of what this song is about. And since I'm in quite that situation, I can really relate to it, and feel the lyrics as they are. Just listen for yourself, and enjoy (:

With love,

            Claudia.

You, by the Pretty Reckless.

I will not be your victim.

"Don't worry, I don't want you to get into our problems. You don't have to choose sides."

That's what two of my friends told me when they got in a fight. Both of them told me they wouldn't force me into making a choice who I wanted to hang out with. And it's something so easily said, yet so difficult to keep that 'promise'. I'm sure both of them really didn't want to drag me into their problems. But yet, here I am, wrapped up in their issues, feeling as if I have to choose between them.

And at this point, I'm so through with it. I don't wanna choose between two of my friends. I don't wanna be in the middle of their fights. I just want everything to get back to the way things used to be, and not have these decisions to make. Because that's what's going to happen next; They'll continue to fight, ignoring each other, not thinking about the one that's in the middle of it; Me. Now, I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but I didn't ask for these problems, so I shouldn't be a part of it. If they wanna fight, then that's fine with me. Fight all you want. But don't drag me into it. I've had enough issues with friendships before, and I don't want to experience that all over again.

I'm sure everyone has been in the middle of a fight similair to the one my two friends are in now. Something happens, one acts strange towards the other because of it. And then all of a sudden, they don't speak, nor look at each other anymore. Or anything like that.

It all comes down to one thing; When it starts, they'll come up to you saying that they "don't want to involve you." and that you "shouldn't feel like you have to pick sides." And next thing you know, you walk into the cafeteria and you see one of your friends on your left, and the other one is on your right. Each at a different table. And then what? They see you enter the cafeteria, look at you, and practically force you to choose one side or the other. And you don't know what to do anymore. You don't wanna sit with the one on the left, because you don't wanna disappoint the one on the right. And vice-versa.

And where do you go? You have no clue.

One of the other things that happens alot, is when they're near each other, (and the only times they're near each other is when you try to keep them together) the conversation gets uncomfortable. It becomes an awkward situation in where one talks to you all the time, and the other keeps their mouth shut. The minute one of them walks away, the other starts talking about them.

And it's so frustrating. It makes you wanna knock their heads against each other, and scream at them, telling they should stop acting like complete morons, grow up and work things out.

But well, let's be honest.. On the other hand we don't want to lose our friends either. So we keep our mouths shut, and watch them drifting apart, and try to stay friends with both of them.

And trust me, at some point, that's gonna break you. I'm at that one particular breaking point right now. I'm at a point, where I've had enough of their death stares, and their silent agreement to keep quiet, and not say a word to each other. I've had enough of hearing them complain about the other when that one person isn't around. I'm done with being pushed back and forth between them, not knowing which way to turn. I'm done with listening to their promises of "You don't have to choose", when obviously, they're forcing me.

If I'm honest, I'm at the point where I want to turn my back on both of them, and say "Either you work things out, or I won't speak to you ever again." I'm just not the type of person to say that, unless it gets me really, really upset. And it is. It's sad to see two of your close friends get in a fight, and see how it tears the entire friendship apart. And even though I would want to stay friends with both of them, I'm not sure if I'm doing myself right by staying in the middle of this. They didn't want to make this my problem, but somehow it happened, and now it's my turn to speak up, and let them hear my opinion. And if they don't want to hear my opinion, they should've kept their promises, and leave me out of it.

After all, I'm not some bouncing ball you can keep pulling back and forth, expecting to follow the ones that are throwing it around. I am my own person, I make my own decisions and despite the fact that they are my friends, I'm going to speak up for myself, and end this right now.

I will not be the victim anymore.

Written by Claudia.
Friday, March 18, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

Who you are is falling over me.

Shirt: H&M

Cardigan: H&M

Jeans: Vero Moda

Shoes: v.Haren (as usual :] )

Let's be more than, this now.

Long shirt: Jane Norman

Singlet: H&M
Shoes: v.Haren.

Let's fly.

Shirt: Primark

Singlet: H&M

Cardigan: Vero Moda

Jeans: Bershka

Belt: Primark

Shoes: Shoe Outlet

Like a love heart, carved on a tree.

Shirt: H&M

Denim Blouse: H&M

Jeans: Only/Vero Moda

Shoes: Primark

You'll always be the white shadow of my heart. «3

Yesterday was a very sad day for everyone in our family. Our beloved dog, Roxy, passed away after almost 9 years of living with us. It was very unexpected, and I still don't completely realise it.
The day before yesterday we went to see a doctor, because things weren't alright. They had a suspection of what he could have, but they had to take a blood sample and we would get the results on Wednesday. Unfortunately, the disease took over control faster than expected..

People who have ever lost their dog or cat, know how this feels. That empty feeling, knowing your little mate won't be there to come say hello when you get home. The daily rounds out. Feeding them everyday. Crawling up next to them on the couch. It's like losing a part of your life. Your daily routine. And it gets quiet.

Real quiet.

I remember I used to fight with my sister all the time, because we both didn't want to go out with Roxy whenever our mom asked us to. It's weird, but now.. I'd do anything to be able to go outside with him again. I miss having him around. And I know that in time, I'll find a way to cope, and accept that he is no longer with us. It's still hard, but I know he's in a better place now. Rest in peace. <33

Picture was made in 2007.

Roxy, RIP. 18/5/2002-8/3/2011. 

This is real life, not a fairytale.

Love sucks. That’s what most people say when they’re disappointed in love. Whether it’s finding out the guy you like is already happy with someone else, or when you realize your boyfriend doesn’t like you as much anymore.. Or whatever other reason you can think of. In those cases, love DOES suck.

I’m usually not the type to fall for someone too hard too fast. To be honest, it never really happened to me that when I first met someone, I instantly thought “Daaamn, I like you!”. Until a few weeks ago. I remember entering the room, seeing him, and BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I just knew he was my type of guy.

 And yes, once we had met, I was sure; He was definitely the type of guy I could fall for in the future.

“Just not yet.” I thought, making a promise to myself that I wouldn’t fall too hard too fast, because of a few simple reasons. I didn’t know the guy, maybe I was completely wrong and he would turn out to be the opposite of what I thought. I didn’t even know if he were single. And one of the most important reasons for me not too fall too hard, was because I didn’t want to end up disappointed and broken if he turned out to have a girlfriend after all.

And yet, I noticed myself laughing at everything he said. And, like most people who are ‘in love’, I was trying to pick up signals that proved to me that he felt the same. As far as you could feel something for someone you just met. And I saw those signals, or so I thought. Little did I know I was only fooling myself, thinking that for once, I might’ve gotten it right. Stupid me.

Because of course, someone already had his heart. And I was so stupid to think that I stood a chance. I was so stupid to think that for once, a guy like him was still single and would actually fall for a girl like me. Things like that only happen in fairytales. And clearly, I don’t live in one.

It’s like, everytime I think I’ve found something that’ll turn my life around.. Something happens, and it ends up all the same as before. It’s like, for a few weeks, I’ve been floating on a cloud, and now someone decided to push me off and I fell back in reality. And in reality, I’m the kind of girl most guys pass by. The kind of girl who gets up too high once a cute guy gives her attention. The kind of girl who has kind of given up on love, because it has passed her by so many times before. So many times, that she doesn’t have the faith to believe that one day, she’ll bump into the guy of her dreams.

And that’s why, I can completely agree with everyone who says that love sucks.

‘Cause yeah, it DOES suck. Especially when you can’t seem to find it..

Written by Claudia.
Monday, march 7, 2011

 

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?