Fear

That I fly with my own wings, doesn't mean I don't need anyone.
No one can survive on their own. People always need someone else, to make them believe in themselves whenever they feel bad.

As for me, I'm one of those persons who needs a lot of confirmations. To know that I'm worth doing what I'm good at. To know that I'm worth being around with. To know that I'm worth it. Deep down inside, I know these things. But convincing myself isn't always easy.

I'm usually not the insecure type. I accepted who I am. And I am happy with the person that I've become. I'm ok with the way I look, and I know what I'm capable of. I won't change for anybody, and everyone who dislikes me can screw themselves.

You may wonder "Then why does she need a confirmation?". Well, truth is.. I'm easy in believing that I'm not worth something, no matter how confident I am about myself. I can feel so intensely satisfied with my person-being, and still wonder "Why am I feeling worthless?"

Throughout the years, I've developed a so-called "seperation anxiety". That means being afraid of being let go. Afraid of losing the people that you love. Afraid of not being good enough for them. Afraid of being so disappointing, that they decide to turn their back on you, and leave you on your own.

I guess it's things in my past, that made me so insecure about being worth a relationship, or friendship. Too many times people let me down. Too many times people told me I was important to them, but then acted like I meant nothing to them. Nothing but a piece of garbage.

And trust me, that wrecks your confidence. You can be as satisfied as you want about yourself. But when things like this happen, the confidence of being worth being in a relationship, or a friendship, is really hard to find. And sometimes, the only way to convince yourself that you're worth it, is hearing it from the people that love you.

Of course I don't feel this way every single day, but it's a big part of my life. I try not to let my fear take control of me, but sometimes, when my confidence is at its lowest point, that's really hard. Some people may not understand what it's like, always being afraid of not being good enough. They don't realise how big of an impact this can have on your life. How this feeling can lead you on, and control your every thought and movement. They don't realise how hard it is to live in such fear, the way I -and probably many other people- do..

Written by Claudia.
Sunday, jan. 23, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?