Fear

That I fly with my own wings, doesn't mean I don't need anyone.
No one can survive on their own. People always need someone else, to make them believe in themselves whenever they feel bad.

As for me, I'm one of those persons who needs a lot of confirmations. To know that I'm worth doing what I'm good at. To know that I'm worth being around with. To know that I'm worth it. Deep down inside, I know these things. But convincing myself isn't always easy.

I'm usually not the insecure type. I accepted who I am. And I am happy with the person that I've become. I'm ok with the way I look, and I know what I'm capable of. I won't change for anybody, and everyone who dislikes me can screw themselves.

You may wonder "Then why does she need a confirmation?". Well, truth is.. I'm easy in believing that I'm not worth something, no matter how confident I am about myself. I can feel so intensely satisfied with my person-being, and still wonder "Why am I feeling worthless?"

Throughout the years, I've developed a so-called "seperation anxiety". That means being afraid of being let go. Afraid of losing the people that you love. Afraid of not being good enough for them. Afraid of being so disappointing, that they decide to turn their back on you, and leave you on your own.

I guess it's things in my past, that made me so insecure about being worth a relationship, or friendship. Too many times people let me down. Too many times people told me I was important to them, but then acted like I meant nothing to them. Nothing but a piece of garbage.

And trust me, that wrecks your confidence. You can be as satisfied as you want about yourself. But when things like this happen, the confidence of being worth being in a relationship, or a friendship, is really hard to find. And sometimes, the only way to convince yourself that you're worth it, is hearing it from the people that love you.

Of course I don't feel this way every single day, but it's a big part of my life. I try not to let my fear take control of me, but sometimes, when my confidence is at its lowest point, that's really hard. Some people may not understand what it's like, always being afraid of not being good enough. They don't realise how big of an impact this can have on your life. How this feeling can lead you on, and control your every thought and movement. They don't realise how hard it is to live in such fear, the way I -and probably many other people- do..

Written by Claudia.
Sunday, jan. 23, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

New Haircut!

I've been growing my hair for over 2 years now, and I thought it was time for something new. The idea of changing my hair popped into my head about a week ago. And since I'm one of those persons who'll keep on hesitating if it doesn't happen straight away, I decided to make an appointment at the hairdresser this morning, and just did it. (:
I was scared of getting regrets about cutting off my hair at first, because I'm so used to having long hair. But I don't have regrets at all. I'm so happy with it, and I'm so glad now that I've cut it off.
Sometimes people just need a change to develop themselves. Whether that's a change in attitude,  or a situation. And I knew, that right now, it was time for me to make another change once again. And it's amazing how such a small change in attitude, can make a person feel so much better. I'm reloaded with confidence again, and I feel so calm and satisfied!

Anyways, here's a pic of my new haircut!

With love,

            Claudia.

No one knows if shooting stars will land.

Singlet: H&M

Shirt: H&M

Skirt: H&M

Leggings: New Yorker

Shoes: Shoe Outlet.

I'm sorry, I just happen to love H&M (A)!

Change is not a bad thing.

Tuesday afternoon. You're home early, because you only had one class at school today.
For the first time in your life, you have nothing to worry about. You're calm, and just satisfied with the way things are going.
Things haven't been really bad lately. In fact, they started to get much, and much better.


And then, it hits you. Out of nowhere. Memories of how things used to be.
And even though you're satisfied with your life now.. Even though you accepted that things changed..
You miss it.


Most of the times, it's not even the people that you miss.
It's the times when you didn't know, that you miss.
When you didn't know how people actually were.
When you didn't know how different everything would be.


I've personally felt this way quite some times.
Whether it was a break-up..
Or losing a close friend..


It all comes down to one thing;
When we look back at the past, we feel like times were so much better back then.
Because back then, you hadn't put up with those confrontations yet.
You couldn't imagine the pain it would bring if things ever changed.
And when things eventually do, not only the situation changes. People change, too.


It's like graduating from Elementary school.
For years, you've been surrounded by the same people. And then all of a sudden, everything changes.
Everyone goes their seperate ways, and even though you promised to keep in touch.. You'll never hear from them again.
Situations change. People change.
Everything changes.


And when you first walk through the doors of your new school, you miss it.
Your well-known school. The people. And everything that comes along with it.
But the more you get used to it, the easier it gets. You start to realise that this is the chance to make a new start.
You meet new people. You make new friends.
And even though sometimes, you still miss your old friends from Elementary school, you know it's for the better.


Throughout life, everyone developes themselves.
And in order to do so, you'll need to lose friends. Just so you can find true, reliable friends.
You'll need to get your heart broken. Just so you can appreciate real love when it gets to you.
You'll need bad things to happen. Just so you can be grateful for all the oppertunities that will come to you.


And you know what?
You'll need to accept change, because otherwise, you will never be able to accept life.

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Tuesday, jan. 11, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?

Save your heart, for someone worth dying for.

"She fell to the bottom of her life. This wasn't meant for two. She struggles to find herself in time. But she can barely move. Save your heart, for someone that's worth dying for. Don't give it away. "

Today, when I was bored, I decided to look for some new artists. And I came across the band Mayday Parade. I've known them for a while already, but I never really listened to their songs, and kinda forgot about them. Shame on me. I went through several of their songs, and every single one literally took my breath away. Their lyrics are so good. One of their songs that really got to me, is Save your heart. I think that's because this song really relates to a situation I've been in, not so long ago. A situation I still find myself in sometimes. It's about saving your heart, until you find that person who's worth having your heart. In my life I've had many people breaking my heart. That's why now, I'm really careful with giving out my heart, because I'm really scared to get hurt again. This makes me realise I have to give out my heart, only to those who deserve to. To those who I know for sure, will handle it with care. And as the song describes: Someone worth dying for.

With love,

            Claudia.

Save your heart, by Mayday Parade

So far from never.

Yesterday's outfit:

Dress/Long shirt: Vero Moda

Blouse: Primark

Shoes: ?

Melody

I used to sing along to your music.

But now, I'm tonedeaf.

I can't hear the notes you're playing.

Your once so beautiful sounding melody,

has lost its effect on me.

Your music, has lost its hold on me.

And I don't feel like singing along any longer.

My voice is gone, 

and so is your once so touching melody.

With love,

            Claudia.

Written by Claudia.
Tuesday, jan. 4, 2011

©This piece of text is all written by me. It's an original, so please do not use without permission.  I mean, how would you like the idea of someone just stealing your texts, pretending they're the ones who wrote it, when in fact, it isn't theirs at all?